Truth or Dare: An Elf's tale
by ScrollShuffler
Summary: Why elves don't play Truth or Dare in Lorien... especially while Celeborn is watching. No Slash... sort of. Complete


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**Author's note: **This is my first fanfic. It is by me, Lime. I don't know where the Fig 

went, but she beta'ed this for me. Thank you Fig!!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters, places or other things that Tolkien created. All are his. EXCEPT FOR CALRYN!!!

**Rating: **PG for minor injuries and kissy kissy things. You get my meaning?

**Summary: **The reason why Silvan and Sindar don't play truth or dare in Lorien. 

**Pairing: **Not slash, but Haldir will beg to differ

**Warnings: **Implied… stuff. 

**Note on Calryn:**

_Name: _Calryn (which means nothing in elvish by the way)

_Race: _Elf__

_Type: 89.4 % Silvan, 5.6% sindar, 10% imagination _

_Occupation: _unemployed

_Marital status: _Single… and to be for a long time

_Moral enemy: _Aragorn, Telcontar, Strider, King Elessar… 

_Family relations: _Cousin of Legolas, on his mother's side. Still have to think of names for both of his parents. 

_Personality: _Read and find out. 

**Okay, enough babbling. **

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            It was spring in Lorien. The birds had begun to sing songs of life all over again, raising joy and happiness in the hearts of those who heard. The elves below them also chorused the woods with their melodies, welcoming the season back. 

            Meanwhile, in a talan, supported by the broad branches of the _mallryn tree, five elves were proving their worth in a simple game, Truth or Dare. _

            "I've never played before, how does it go?" Legolas, prince of Mirkwood said, turning to the silvan elves, Haldir, Rumil and Orophin, beside him. 

            "It's quite simple," Rumil said, "you get a choice between _truth and _dare. _If you pick truth, you have to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth-"_

            "So help me valar," Orophin finished. 

            "And if you are brave enough to pick dare, then you have to do whatever the person tells you to. If you don't, then you loose," Rumil said. 

            "That doesn't sound too harsh," Calryn, cousin of Legolas said, pulling his silver-gold hair back from his face. "When does the game end?" 

            "When we have all agreed that we have showed our worth in salt and that we are all winners," Orophin said. "Or we all grow bored of the game and decide that we should quit." 

            "I'll start to give these amateurs some idea of what it's about," Haldir said, turning to Rumil on his right, "Truth or dare?" 

            "Truth." 

            "Was it you or Orophin who gave my horse so much water and bran before the race?" 

            At this, Rumil went a little pale and opened his mouth, but no words came out except incoherent stuttering, "It- I mean, er…" 

            "The truth, Rumil, and nothing but," Haldir prodded. 

            Rumils face crumpled, "_IT WAS **ME**_," he said, and flinched, knowing that his brother's angry yells would soon be heard, 

            "I know. I saw you feeding Luinroch; I just wanted to know whither you were elf enough to admit it to your brother. Now, Rumil, it's your turn to ask Orophin," Haldir said, not sparing his younger brother a glance. 

            "Truth or dare, Orophin?" 

            "Dare." 

            "I dare you to…" Rumil paused to think, "Go up to the Lady and ask her to marry you." 

            "WHAT?!" Orophin yelled, his eyes widening in disbelief and horror, "Celeborn will ring my neck and afterwards, have my head served on a platter! Brother, I thought you loved me." 

            "You thought wrong." 

            "That is hurtful, Rumil. Very hurtful. But I am no coward," and he began to move towards the ladder, his friends in tow. 

~*~

            "Milady," Orophin said, bowing before the magnificent she-elf before him, then going to one knee, taking the Lady's slim hand in his own slender fingers, "I have no ring to offer you, but my love is pure," he winced at the corny words and turned his head sideways a bit to see Celeborn, Galadriel's husband of many,_ many years, come and stand beside his wife, an amused expression on his face, as if daring the younger elf to continue. "Galadriel, daughter of Finarfin, blessed leader of the elves of Lothlórien," Orophin swallowed, thinking of all the ways Celeborn would eradicate him, "Will you marry me?" _

            The Lady of the Golden Wood laughed, "Orophin, son of Tindil, you are not the first to have asked me this. Forgive me, my heart belongs to another," she said, turning to smile at her husband. She then leaned down by his ear and whispered, "Just be glad you weren't dared to ask Celeborn." She put a hand on his shoulder and kissed the top of his head. "Off with you now." 

            Orophin hastily got to his feet and gave a hurried bow and scrambled to where his friends were standing just a little ways away, all wearing grins that spread from pointed ear to pointed ear. 

            "That's the third one this week," Celeborn sighed, giving his wife an exasperated glance, "I really wasn't planning to hurt him, but those elflings really have to find some other way to amuse themselves." 

~*~

            "Did you see the look on Celeborn's face? He looked like he wanted to tear your throat out with his own teeth!" Rumil laughed, patting his brother hard on the back. 

            "I can now say that I have stared death in the face," Orophin said, slumping against the tree trunk now that the adrenaline rush had faded. 

            Haldir laughed, "Orophin, it's your turn to ask Calryn," he said, his eyes still shining with uncontained mirth. 

            "Calryn, truth or dare?" 

            Calryn opened his mouth to say dare, but thought better of it, the Silvan elves were a bit too… creative for his likings. _Coward, _a voice inside his head taunted. 

            "Calryn?" 

            Haldir's voice snapped the elf from his thoughtfulness. "Dare," he said boldly, but after seeing the look of malicious glee on Orophin's face, he deeply regretted ever picking the latter. 

            "Calryn, I dare you to… oh, how did those humans describe it?" he pondered for a moment, "Ah yes. Calryn, I dare you to make-out with Legolas." 

            "You can't be serious," Calryn stuttered, staring with wide-eyed horror at the Silvan. Orophin smiled, showing that he was dead serious. Legolas had frozen with shock ever since the dare was first alleged. 

            "But- but he's my _cousin_!! And not only that, Thranduil will have me gutted and spitted, roasting slowly over a fire if he finds out!! Have mercy!" Calryn cried, but he knew that his pleas fell on deaf ears.  

            "If you need help, we'd be glad to instruct you," Haldir said, thoroughly enjoying the look of utter desolation on the Sindar elf's face. "For starters, you can move closer to him. He's your cousin, not some contagious virus, you share the same blood almost," he said, not even giving the elf a chance to back down.  

            _So this is what a man feels like when he is condemned to the gallows, Calryn thought as he moved closer to his cousin, just so their knees touched. _

            "Good, now move closer, so both your chests are touching," Haldir said, grinning at the look of pure malice and revenge Calryn's eyes promised. 

            "This is wrong, this is so wrong, this is so very, _very **very very **_wrong!!" Legolas whimpered as he felt his cousin's collarbones touch his own. 

            "Calryn, now entwine your fingers into your cousin's hair," he smiled as the Sindar complied his every word, "Good, now wrap your other arm around his torso." Calryn did so, feeling his cousin tense and shake with nothing short of violent horror. "Good, now kiss him." 

            Calryn hesitated for a moment before reluctantly giving his cousin a peck on the cheek. As soon as his lips were removed, Legolas wiped his cheek on his shoulder and Calryn gagged, wishing nothing more but to drink a bottle of disinfectant and mouthwash. 

            "Valar, Calryn! And I used to wonder why you are still virgin. (Calryn wondered why Haldir was thinking of him in that way at all.) Show some back-bone! Kiss him on the lips and show a little passion!" Haldir prompted. 

            "Haldir, as much as you think I am, I'm not homosexual, and I am extremely uncomfortable touching Legolas like this or in any other way. Is there an alternative-" Calryn's negotiation attempts were stopped abruptly when Rumil scurried over and pushed both their heads together, holding them there and not letting go. 

            "Thank you Rumil. Come on Calryn; put that tongue of yours to good use!" Haldir could have sworn he heard a dwarvish curse from the elf's lips, but it was hard to tell since they were pressed against Legolas'.  Calryn drew a long suffering sigh and latched his lips onto the younger elf, trying to think of better things than what he was doing. _Oh valar Calryn thought as he closed his eyes from the humiliation, _I'm kissing a man. What is Middle-Earth coming to?__

            After a few horrid moments, the brothers were satisfied, and Rumil let both their heads go. Both Sindars pushed off each other trying to get away as fast as possible. Calryn leaned over the flet and retched. 

            "Very good. With practice, you'll get better, don't worry," Haldir said with mock encouragement. "Calryn. It's your turn to ask Legolas." 

            "Truth or dare?" Calryn croaked, reaching for his waterskin. 

            "Truth." 

            "Did you find that display even slightly erotic?" 

            "No!" Legolas' reply was instantaneous.

            "The truth Legolas," Calryn prodded. 

            "Well maybe a little…"

            "Maybe you two can do it again sometime with a bit more enthusiasm then," Rumil said, his usually fair face screwed up into an evil leer. Both Sindars rolled their eyes heavenward. 

            "Legolas, it's your turn to ask Haldir," Orophin said. 

            "Alright, mister high and mighty march warden, truth or dare?" 

            Haldir, feeling very full of himself, unwisely chose, "Dare." 

            "Haldir, I dare you to go up to Lord Celeborn and tell him that you love him dearly, then kiss him _hard _on the lips for thirty seconds, if he doesn't impale you on the end of his sword in that time." 

            Calryn cracked a huge smile at Haldir's pale face. "Nice Legolas, very nice."

~*~

            Haldir walked up to the Lord of Lorien, and bowed with respect, placing his hand above his heart, sweeping outwards, the traditional way of showing Elven respect. "My Lord, there is something I need to tell you." 

            "Orcs coming up the Nimrodel?"

            "No…" 

            "Someone's _talan fallen?" _

            "No…" 

            "Your brother got a little happy with my wife?"

            "I beg your pardon?" 

            "What is it Haldir?" Celeborn asked wearily, exasperation dripping from his voice. 

            "I- I love you," and before Celeborn could say anything, he forced his lips onto his lord's and counted to thirty as fast as possible.  Suddenly, he felt a searing pain in his right ear and yelped. The ears of the elves are very sensitive, and pinching the delicate point was a way of reprimanding young elflings. 

            "Haldir Tindilion," Celeborn's voice thundered in his left ear, "I grow weary of your childish games. If my wife or I become another prop then I will have to be forced to resign you from your post as border guard and assign you a shift in the kitchens, washing dishes for the rest of your immortal life. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?!" 

            "Yes my lord," Haldir whimpered against the throbbing of his ear, which Celeborn had mercifully let go of. Then scurried off with his friends, eager to escape their lord's wrath. 

            Celeborn shook his head and turned, just to meet the eyes of his loved one. "I think you hurt his feelings," Galadriel mused. 

            "_Amin mela lle," Celeborn purred, "I love you." And with a little more passion than Haldir, Legolas or Calryn, he showed his wife _exactly _how much he loved her. _

~*~

            "Wow Haldir, Celeborn even left nail marks in your ear!" Rumil said, applying healing salve on his brother's inflamed tip. 

            "I'll say," Legolas said, patting Haldir on the head like a child, "Poor baby." 

            "I think this game is over," Haldir said, "we've all won." 

            "At last," Calryn groaned, "I thought it would never end."

            _And so ended the game of Truth or dare, never to be played again by Silvan or Sindar alike as long as the mallorn trees stood. In Lorien anyway. _

**_The End…_**

**Or is it?**


End file.
